Part 5: The 12 steps

                                                                The Steps and a Few  Missteps

The 12 Steps were written with great  effort and reflect enormous  wisdom. They have been the keystone of recovery since the early 1930s when they were published by AA. From many years of meeting and from numerous attempts to work the steps myself,I developed a somewhat different approach to the Steps which I would like to share in this article. I recognized perhaps 10 years ago that there is an aversion to working the steps in FA or at least working them seriously. Reading and rereading does not do the trick. The steps don’t drop into our hearts from the sky. They require real effort. And I think they require a shift in perspective to make them appeal to revering families in the 21^st century.

When we do our Step meeting monthly,I introduce the Steps within the time frame during which they first were published. I also emphasize that they were written for AA and that we need to broaden our perceptions of exactly what they mean to us.I try to group the steps in to 3 categories:1-3,4-9,and 10-12. Our members do understand the they appear in their order for a reason;they were not randomly. I also urge our group to try to see  some of the the language differently because use of words has changed over the past 70 years. I also urge our members to find reasons to work the Steps regularly;many of us look for reasons not to work them because they appear so difficult. We discuss that fact the the Steps change; every time we grow spiritually we understand more of the meaning. Understanding the Steps is a life’s work. In the beginnning we read them and reread them without really have them get inside  us. Additionally many of our members are not at all spiritual  and some do not believe in God . This presents a real challenge to accept Steps which refer to God or the  Higher Power. Consequently many of the group look to the GROUP itself as the Higher Power;those with some spiritual background can translate this effective concept to the Higher Power doing it’s work through the group. This approach keeps many members from hitting a stone wall when working certain steps.

Steps 1,2,3

These steps have been summarized:”I can’t do it;someone else can;I will turn it over to the one who can”. I sounds so simple when read. However as we have discussed many times,accepting powerlessness is a real challenge and requires a great deal of maturity to accomplish. Step 2 bring us to the problem of accepting the existence of God or finding another higher Power who can help us. I referred earlier to how many in our group finally accomplish this feat. For those of us who are truly religious and/or  have a connection with their God, this step is infinitely easier to carry out. For those of us who don’t have this connection,finding and accepting the Higher Power is a lengthy struggle

Step 3 is the place where letting go come into play. That is exactly what 3 states. We need to turn it over. We need to let the Higher Power take on the role we have been attempting to fill for years. If we can do this,then we get a chance to focus on ourselves. This transformation is necessary to move on to Steps 4-9.

Steps 4-9

Step 4 requires us to finally take that ling careful look beyond the mirror and inside ourselves. If 3 has empowered us to look after ourselves ,then we are at least prepared to undertake 4. But looking inside can be brutal if we are honest. There will be many things we do not like within-but the Step wants us to use a balanced sheet of what is good and can be improved upon as well  what we want to cast off. If we view 4 as only looking for the bad within,we can never work I successfully. That is too painful! So we need to find good and bad and work with both.

Steps 5 -9 provide a framework for us to make change. We need to go thru certain mechanisms to make change really happen. We need to work with our Higher power and People we can trust. But unlike the exact way the steps are written we must take an active role in this process. No one can change us but ourselves in the long run. Always remember-God moves mountains but it helps to bring a shovel”. This view is definitely different from the exact wording of the Steps themselves and I am sure very far afield from how many recovering groups  look at this group of Steps. I have found over the years that our members need to look at this part of the process differently to make it reach into them and push them to take personal action. My approach to Step 9 is also different. I agree that amends are important ,but I see more in Step  9 than amends. I see a personal transformation ,a spiritual maturation ,and a humble awakening  to the new person we strive to become. My personal perception is that 4-9 are about change within us. It happens very slowly and may take 10 years for us to become different. Old habits die hard;we all know that.How many times have we heard”you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”? I do not believe that is tue. I know we can all change. We have to be ready and we have to be willing. READY AND WILLING!!! That is the real hard stuff in this program. I would like to make another comment on amends before closing this section. Here we come to a real possible misstep in deciding who deserves amends and who is READY for amends. As to Who,we must put ourselves high on the list along with other family members,especially the cellophane children. As to readiness ,my experience has taught me that making amends to the addict too soon is a huge mistake. The addict deserves our amends but only when he/she is in good recovery-not before that time. Like everything else that we do involving the recovering person,there is no rush to make amends. And without change we keep making amends to the same people for the same reasons,over and over.

Steps 10-12

I call these 3 steps  the “maturation” steps. Some sound really easy,but they can be awful  landmines in our road to recovery. As steps requiring real progress in our journey,they take a long time to accomplish.Step 10 give us the right ,in my view to see what is wrong and change it without delays. And without needing to check with anyone. We have reached a level of confidance(but always tempered with humility) so they we do not need to look over our shoulder prior to every correction. 10 reflects the release to move on our own. Step 11(my favorite) is very complex. 11 takes us from a child’s view of the world and God ,to a mature adult’s view of Him/Her. We now understand that prayer is not about a list of requests. It is not about begging God to do our will. Step 11 is about listening, about humility,and and ultimately about receiving  an understanding of God’s will for us. This is the ultimate reward for our hard work. When we are ready ,Step 11 will guide to  a  place we never dreamed possible. For those who read the Bible, I urge you reread God’s declamation just prior to the conclusion of the Book of Job . If you see the purpose of that declamation,then you will have a much better understanding of what Step 11 can do for us. Step 12 has two very important parts. I did not understand the first part- “having had a spiritual awakening” and why it was so critical  to “carrying the message”. I thought carrying the message was the real crux of the step. However you really can’t seriously  carry the message without the prior spiritual awakening,. And this is the point of a second major misstep. I have seen many members who can regurgitate the message of the steps and think they can carry it to  others without any change in themselves. That approach, which I fear is common,leads to failure to make any progress in the program. The idea that an individual can carry the message without previously  undergoing some  spiritual awakening,I believe, is a fallacy. That is not carrying the message;it is self delusion ;ie failing to recognize that nothing from the FA program has gotten inside of us. Instead we want a pat on the back for  spouting the message as a  substitute for doing the real work in the program. I have seen this happen repeatedly. Some of the worst failures in our program occurred in people who thought they could carry the message, instead of working the program .

I know there are many more potential stumbling blocks in working the Steps,but I feel that the two I referred to  in this article are the among  most common and the most subtle.

Mort K Group 1318