Friday, October 21, 2011

Part 7 Humility

Humility is not something we think a lot about when everything is going well in our lives. In fact so often the good life is marked by a lot of hubris. We sometimes think we have the world under (our)control. When a family is stricken with addiction , all those euphoric  feelings plummet and often we are left with nothing but despair.

We can first encounter humility when we start to work the Steps. Step 1 says we are powerless,and if that doesn't give us an inkling about  humility ,nothing ever will. However  our prior hubris and the rapid careening of our previous lives makes understanding powerlessness particularly difficult. We came down so fast from the 35th floor(my wife's favorite term) of our lives to  ground zero in what seems like an endless  moment of horror;.it actually takes months to get on a new track,because our egos don't want to let go of that picture perfect life we thought we were living. We thought we were really in control of so many things.. What we missed were the innumerable signs that the ground beneath our comfortable perch had been shaking for months or years. Denial is a powerful player in keeping us from seeing what is really happening.But the inevitable crash took place and then Step  1 can eventually open  our eyes to a different world-a different reality. It is a reality of  powerlessness. And this is our first introduction to a long lost concept and very powerful too(ultimately)-humility. In essence the world was never in our hands-ever. We just  thought it was.

Step 4 is the tool where we can really get a good  taste of humility. Taking a long deep personal  look inside for the first(unlikely) or the tenth time makes us see what is really  good and what is not so good about us. Our arrogance from the earlier life begins to disintegrate when we work Step  4 deep into our psyches. In it's place will rise humility.-but only when we are ready. For some of us it is hard to grasp what humility is all about. We have spent too many prior years immersed in our arrogance and self-assuredness.

Eventually with hard work on Steps 1,4 and ultimately 11 we will not only see,but live a life filled with humility.
Humility is probably the most visible  change when we and our addicts recover. Without humility there is only sobriety-not recovery for the addict. They are very different. I would estimate it can take 2-5 years to really become humble. Our world does not give high praise to being humble. We worship aggressivity,sad to say. Power is king in our world. So it is easy to see why humility is not easy to understand or embrace. But like  all things in recovery,"time takes time" and even small changes are never easy. But with persistence anything is possible.

 I have often said nothing helps me with humility more that stepping outside to observe a star-filled sky. When I really connect with my Higher Power in this setting I fully understand that I am a small(but important) cog in a very big wheel. And I have no more power to change another person that I have the power to rearrange the constellations in the sky. It really works for me.


Mort

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